Lazy Lover...

So I decided to give him another try. The absolute love of my life. I tried to move on but I need to be there for him. I can't run away at a time when he really needs someone. I'm a little worried though since I haven't talked to him today. Last night was very scary and I hope he's ok.

So, I'm still catching up on Heroes and not working. This is b.s. they're not giving me hours nor can I get some in another department like I have been for a while. So all I have left is to sit at home on my fucking thumbs hoping that I get this new job at New York & Co. It looks like I have a chance but we never know. I'm pissed that I can't work and I'm going to starve to death and probably get really deep in debt if I'm not working somewhere. My graphics design really isn't coming through for me so I need a steady job or some form of income to keep myself alive. Try one of the ads on here to help me out, most of them help you too. I'm working on figuring out how to make this site better so hang in there with me.

Here's a pic of my love doing one thing he does best...

Heroes

My new-found time passer is watching Heroes from season one to current. It's an awesome show and if you haven't taken pleasure in watching it, I suggest you go here to catch up!

So I've finally gotten approved for financing on a vehicle through a company called Drive Time. Anyone in the market for a car but not confident their credit is good enough for financing should check them out if you're having trouble finding a trustworthy company to finance through. There are a lot all over the internet, but they're not garaunteed to be legit. So aside of Drive Time, I would suggest you shopped around at your on financial institution and well known banks as well as Drive Time. It's not always best to finance through the dealer though. Check out the places listed on auto.yahoo.com and use financing straight at the dealership as your last resort.

So I will be giving much more financial advice once my situation is straight. I'm on my way to completing that goal, so keep reading and I will try to help everyone else out through my learning experiences.

Baby break dance

lol. this is cute effing cute, i promise!

Trichomoniasis

trick-uh-muh-nahy-uh-sis
1.
a sexually transmitted disease typically asymptomatic in men and resulting in vaginitis with a copious, frothy discharge and itching in women, caused by a trichomonad Trichomonas vaginalis.

So I'm being accused of giving this to the only guy I've been sleeping with latley. This, I've heard clears up on it's own in around 14 days and I've been with the guy for at least 4 months. So I haven't a clue how a "Gave it to him". Now on top of legalites, I must worry about finding somewhere cheaper than the usual clinic I get my 6 months testing at and get tested for this shit. I haven't the SLIGHTEST idea where I can go that it's free. Because I don't want to pay and end up not having it at all and he just picked it up somewhere else and thought since we're together that he can just pin it on me. We had unprotected sex twice but this was faaaaaaaaar in the beginning. The last person before that was an ex a month before us. So I'm lost at this point.

I've got to find a way to get money too since paypal likes to hold it up for 10,000 days. They TAKE money owed FAST but when you're trying to do a tranfer, psshh you can forget about that shit for 3 weeks! UGHHH, everything is so frustrating right now and this is the only place I can vent since everyone else is wrapped up in more serious situations. Well, the only one true friend I have is at least, everyone else only cares about themselves and they excpect me to listen to their ranting but I don't because they don't care about mine.

Tegan and Sara: Umbrella Cover (2007)

I thought this was really cool they covered this song. I love Tegan and Sara, and they rocked this song better than Rhianna :)

a dream that will be reality...

I will see to it that I make something of myself in this world! I'm goin gto go so far as to travel to California in December to audition at yet another Ford Models open-call. I was invited to Georgia, but it was so little in advance that the tickets to get there was way too much money that I did not have. But I will make it somewhere. Even if it's not Ford, somewhere else. I'm vowing this to myself that by sometime in 2008 I will be making a great living off doing what I love whether it's Graphics Design or Modeling, I WILL do this!

I'm trying to find out if it's illegal for a place of employment to just cut your hours down to zero and not let you go to a department which has hours. That's what Sears is doing to me. I transfered to shoes from jewelry and they won't let me go back. If I go to them and ask that they put me back so I can get hours and they refuse, I won't quit, I'll just wait until they "let me go" I've been there for 2 years no problem, so they really don't HAVE a reason to fire me.

I saw a car that I really liked, 2004 Kia Optima for REALLY cheap! I hope to get it sometime tomorrow or saturday.

I really wish I had friends, but sadly, I don't. They really don't care about me, they don't act like it at least. I'm sure that once I get everything to go as I plan, they'll come around, and it won't even matter anymore. He's not what he made me think he was, he's just another jackass that will kick himself in the future for not treating me right.

235 GD dollars!

That's what my ticket is for. And I can't pay it! It's a real shame. I have to figure out how to get all the money I have in one place so I can pay it all soon. I may take three days or so since processing is a bitch! But I gots to do it. After I've payed 34$ dollars to take a class that only saved me 4 dollars to keep this off my record, I get a postcard from a school that only charges $13.fuckin'90! You can imagine how frustrated I am finding out the school I payed 34 $ for only covered one ticket for some reason, what I bitch.

For anyone in the future that has to take ANY driving courses DON'T go anywhere else until you look at lowestpricetrafficschool.com . This is only because I don't want anyone to catch the bullshit I catch from not having much help. I'm in a the biggest hole ever, I hope I can get out. Oh, little note, the school is really 19.95$ plus certificate processing fee and whatever state you're in assesement fee. But it's still cheaper!

I want a better blog!

I want to do an actual layout for this thing, but I haven't quite caught on to this coding. Jebus it's EVERYWHERE!

So I'm trying to NOT get arrested in my life. I have to go pay a traffic citation today but I've no idea how much of a discount I will get on it. Hopefully, it's pretty cheap 'cause I'm broke! REALLY REALLY broke. I only have 200$ left but it's all over the place, not just under one account. I feel like I'm married I have 3, count them THREE fucking accounts to keep my over-spending ass from over spending! THEN on top of that, I have 3 GD credit cards! I'm killing myself, really. I feel like some shopping online today though.

He's supposed to get sent to afghanistan, why? I dunno. I why send a navy person? There's no fuckin' water in Afghanistan! GB really makes me want to kick his ass now! Have you ever watched any of his confrences? It's hilarity I tell you! Try to watch it without throwing up, and you'll see it's like fucking comedy central without Jon Stewart. That man is a fucking genius by the way! I love his shows, always so true but so funny! Colbert's not so bad either.

it's how it looks...

Yeah, the name has changed. I've decided that right now, modeling probably won't work out like I want it to. I'm really nervous and afraid of what the big dogs will say. Yeah, I'm still planning the trip to cali to audition for Ford Models, but decided to give up the blog for modeling in particular. It will just be my rants and raves and a feeeeeewwwww tidbits from my personal life. Noone fucking reads this anyways. So it will be like a clossssse friend whom I can call out to, write/type out to tell them my deepest darkest secrets.

With that said.... I shall begin.

I love him, no matter how much I hate that fact, I love him. Why? I couldn't answer that if I was given a million dollars and the family I've always wanted to do so. I do shit for him that I wouldn't DARE let anyone else do nor do I enjoy it. I love when I'm able to help HIM out so that maybe one day, he will turn around and tell me he loves me. It's fucking crazy as hell! I don't know what's happening to me. Maybe I'm going crazy, and maybe I'm just becoming soft or like puddy in his hands. I have a sore throat, I can't relate it to anything else. My left shoulder hurts from the previous accident, resurfaced by the night WE had. My head hurts, my stomach is turning. I feel like taking one of the left over meds I have to stop all this pain. But I'm scared, my stomach seems like it's grown a little and it hurts to lie on my stomach and it feels really funny to lie on my left side(these are the two most comfortable postions to sleep in, usually). Sometimes I feel very weak movement, but it could be my imagination. I took a test when I speculated that pregnancy was a possibility... negative.

Then I began to worry like it was a more serious condition. I gave attention back to having a cyst or had formed cervical cancer. I had a pap smear(what a disgusting term) and it came out abnormal. Meaning that I could have polyps or HPV which could turn into cervical cancer. I felt like it was growing, that it's too late for surgery or modern medicine. I developed a different eating habit... I eat Krystal burgers. I know you're saying "You and everyone else!" but I'm saying, I'm a fucking vegetarian! I have been for 2 years, red meats,and poltry make me sick, even when I wasn't vegetarian. But for some reason Krystals has no effect and the more I eat it, the more I crave it. I also crave soda, which I hate. I hate the painful fizzing it causes in my ears and throat, I hate all the sugar it contains(too much sugar makes me really sick). So I can't put my finger on what the hell is up?! I went to the dr. not a full physical but I just had some questions and they answered it's nothing, but you may want to have another pap. I am very uncomfortable with it, but it seems the only way to lay my worries to rest. Speaking of rest, I sleep more than usual. Right now, I'm forcing myself to stay awake to write this.

I have some much debt and so many worries. I don't want to think of having anything else added to my plate. I'm only 23 years old, and I'm already headed down a bad path. I have to stop it before it's too late...

America, the criminally insane!

And they think something is wrong with OTHER countries...



So I was toiling around on myspace TV, and I come accross this video about a missing woman. Naturally, being a caring individual, I clicked on it, watched it for about 3 seconds then went, "is this a fucking joke?!" Apparently, it is. The profile, blogspot, and video for "Hope is missing" is in fact an online reality GAME about a missing woman named Hope Wilcott. And seeing how many missing women,men, and children there are in REAL LIFE, I think this is fucking sick and the "game master" should probably go jump off the golden gate bridge.



Mrs. Sherlock Holmes (me) googled on it and found these facts. I think it's what's wrong with America, they take serious situations and make money, entertainment, and fame out of it. It's lame and it's sadistic. At least countries like Iraq, Iran, and Afghanistan don't take serious things like missing people and killing like it's a joke or something to make profit of.